We all like to be able to do things for others. Contributing like this makes us feel good. But that doesn't mean becoming a world-class doormat, it simply means doing something for someone IF you can.
Have you got into the habit of saying yes to everything? Its easy to do, especially if you are a business owner who doesnt want to say no to a client or potential client, a parent who wants to make relationships with kids less problematic, an employee who doesnt want to upset their boss or colleague, a partner who wants to make the relationship less hassle. But beware, its all too easy to end up not actually knowing who you really are and whose life you are actually living.
If you have to say no to a request for something, you dont have to beat yourself up. You will feel better if you do say no. Unfulfilled promises are a huge source of frustration and guilt.
THE CHECK LIST
Are you in control of your agenda?
Make a list of your weekly activities. Dont take on more than you can cope with. Running your own business means running your own life efficiency despite the million and one things that you have to do. Politely saying no will give you more time to concentrate on the things that having meaning for you.
Are you listening to negative mind chatter?
Become aware of what you are saying to yourself. Keep a note of anything that might be negative. "He/she wont like me if I dont say yes." "Its not nice to say no." Then change these to better thoughts "Its OK to say no. People wont think any the less of me if I say no to this."
Are you adding unnecessary stress to your life?
If something is going to stress you out, you have to say no. You owe it to yourself, to your emotional and physical wellbeing. There are no medals for stressing yourself into an early grave.
Are you feeling guilty?
Need I say this? We should never feel guilty about following our own values. If you are invited to participate in an event at your childrens school or at work all you need say is Im sorry, I have other plans that day but thanks for asking. Maybe another time.
Excuses have a way of coming back to bite you, so simply say no, perhaps another time.
Are you giving great, long-winded explanations?
A simple "Sorry my diary is too full at the moment" is fine. You dont owe explanations.
I repeat, there are no medals for working yourself into ill-health, destroying relationships with partner or children or becoming the boss from hell, so step back and take a look at who you might be becoming before you reach a point of no return.
Who is Vivien?
Vivien believes that we all have a creative being inside, and she encourages people to release this gift so that they can enjoy a life in which our own unique skills and passions are valued and harnessed. She carries out her work with sensitivity and humour, which is a winning combination for her.
Vivien trained as Life Coach with New Insights (UK) and as a Creativity Coach with Dr. Eric Maisel (USA). She is currently writing new work and is author of several ebooks and on-line courses.
Find out more at:
or contact Vivien personally at firstname.lastname@example.org
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